Burdened

Today I didn't do anything out of the norm. I welcomed my seamstresses, ate breakfast, figured out payroll, and did "normal" stuff. But all day long I've felt burdened.

I began feeling overly compelled to pray for the sick people in my life. My grandpa who is suffering from cancer, my uncle who is back in the hospital for the second time in a month with still no answers, and someone else in my family having surgery Thursday. I felt helpless being so far away from home. Not being there to visit them or comfort my parents or others closest to them kills me, but I can pray. God's healing touch can do so much more than my hugs or tears can do anyway.

Then, I get a call from one of our seamstresses who did not show up for work today. She usually calls right away and lets me know what was going on, so I was worried about her. She has spent the day at the hospital with her sick baby boy. He is shaking and has a fever and when I talked to her they were waiting on the doctors results from tests. Something else for me to pray about and I prayed hard.

A little while later, I just kept thinking about the many many times I've been offered a baby for free. Parents and grandparents beg us to take their babies or even try hard to put them in our arms or on our truck. Absolutely heartbreaking that one would be in such desperate circumstances that they would give their child away to a complete stranger.

The little Stud Himself (Ezekiel)

I began thinking about my nephew, Ezekiel, who is pretty much the coolest baby out there. My heart broke thinking of his parents giving him away and never seeing him again. I don't know what its like to have a parent/child bond, but I've heard its much greater than anything else. I can't imagine what it would be like for Bill or Rebekah Young to give away Lily, Emily, or Anamarie. These girls are like little sisters and to send them away with a stranger not knowing their name, the country they lived in, what their life was like, or anything is beyond my comprehension. Thinking of this happening to any of these four makes me cry, but this the thought of this happening to any child I've encountered breaks my heart. To want what is best for your child is selfless, but giving away your own flesh and blood?

Lily, Emily, and Anamarie a little over a year ago (oh man, how I miss them)

I've seen the livng conditions, I've heard the stories, I've walked in their villages, I've watched the interactions, but I've never been where they are. I don't understand how they live their lives or what they go through on a day to day basis. My heart breaks that they would be selfless enough to give their child away to a complete stranger in hopes of a better life than they can give. A child they have nursed and held in their arms for months and sometimes even years already.

I'm burdened. Is there anything I can do to help these people without hurting them? My mind remains blank. I can't take in every child I'm offered, I don't have the money, room, or time to care for them. I've seen so many kids and babies that I want to bring home, but know I can't. One day I will, I'll give my former orphan a family, a home, and a life (probably more than one child), but until that day, I don't know what I can do. My heart breaking over and over again is not help at all unless I put it into action, but white people can't just give the Haitians everything. I will not feed into the give me mentality. I can pray, and I will pray. But is there more I can do?