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Showing posts from October, 2016

Bedside Vigil

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It was the middle of a humid April night when I reached down, touched K’s head, and felt the warmth on my hand. Yep, his fever was back. I kneeled at his bedside, and tried to figure out the right amount of Tylenol to give him at a time so he would keep it all down in between dramatic coughs. This wasn’t new; it had been going on for a couple of weeks. 
In that moment, I knew the right thing to do was to ask God to heal his little body. Everything I had ever been taught had told me to do that. Isn’t that what a good Christian is supposed to do?
But I couldn’t. 
I stayed at his bedside, fighting back tears, and jumping to dramatic conclusions. Sometimes when we have prayed for God’s healing, he made the child completely whole and took them to go live with him. I didn’t want that answer. I couldn’t put this child in God’s hands. I wanted my own outcome. I wanted to be able to hold him in my arms for days and months and years to come. I wanted to be able to see the way he smiles with his wh…