Tori's Stories

Today I am missing my kids who no longer live here. I'm missing J's cuddles A's head butts D's ear rubs B's silliness E's personality A's sweet caring nature J's laughter K's "hugs" W's ability to make everyone laugh and  J's singing I'm missing all of these in each one of them and so much more. In the almost five years I've been a houseparent we haven't had the same group of kids for Christmas any of the years. This year alone three kids I celebrated Christmas with are no longer here and I have three new children in my house. I love that we have had such an open door. I love that the kids I have loved dearly have gotten to go live with their new families. I love that kids going to their families mean I could open my heart a little wider for another child--a love that is the same but so very different each time. I love that I have called 16 kids mine for a time. But, at the same time, its hard.  The kids miss out on what

Getting to lo ve a child until their last breath (and beyond) is more beautiful than one can imagine. Yes, it is painful, hard, and something I don’t wish on anyone, but the honor of getting to be someone’s person right up until the end is a huge privilege.   Even though I knew  him l onger, I only got to be Keven’s person for about 10 mo nths. I got to be Jeffter’s person for a little over three and a half years.   Many times I  have questi on ed “If de ath was the end,  then why did we have t o fight so hard so many times?” In the last six months of Keven’s life he spent a couple weeks in the hospital and his health was up and down once he returned home. We were sure he was going to die once, but he got better before his last sickness. In Jeffter’s last three years of life he was hospitalized three times, had four or five stays in our nurse’s room here (basically the equivalent of being hospitalized), had two surgeries, and had multiple sicknesses and scares we were able to deal with