The Lord is My Strength

Me: “I didn’t sign up for this. This isn’t why I came to Haiti.”

God: “Everything happens in my time, child”

This past week has left me speechless and even thoughtless. My thoughts and emotions where picked up, thrown down, and scrambled around.

Read this blog to see where we where Monday night (and about two of our babies I will talk about later), http://torirayle.blogspot.com/2013/03/why.html. Short story version is like this. We had two babies that where in the hospital who went just shortly after being admitted here, but not too short to be loved and a tiny little abandoned baby who was set to come here after being released from the hospital had died that day.

We were down in spirits and praying for these two little ones who where loved and continuing on with life. Psalms 46:1 “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” We needed to take refuge in His strength because ours was running low.

Wednesday evening one of our babies, Annabel, was having trouble breathing. Our nurse had been watching her closely for diarrhea and she had just been to the doctor that morning. Both of our nurses worked to keep her alive, but were not successful. Annabel came to live at COTP shortly after she was born last August. She had a beautiful smile and attracted anyone who came near her. She was usually one of the first little babies to be held by any visitor. She is dearly missed and was definitely loved. Here are a couple blogs about her that where written by other staff here. http://followinghim2haiti.blogspot.com/2013/03/beautiful-grace.html?spref=fb, http://emilyloveshaiti.wordpress.com/2013/03/07/annabel/, and http://ifthislifeilose.wordpress.com/2013/03/07/beautiful-grace/ check them out to learn all about this beauty.

 

Thursday morning at 2:30am our nurse got a call from our nanny at the hospital that Devensly had died. I wrote a little about him in the first attached blog, but here are a few blogs written from our nurse about him. Devensly, you where loved and are missed. Check out http://ifthislifeilose.wordpress.com/2013/02/23/forever-changed/ and http://ifthislifeilose.wordpress.com/2013/02/26/hefirstlovedme/.

 

We then had two funerals Thursday afternoon.

This morning when I came back from preschool I found out that Cheslie had died. She is the one I most wrote about in the first attached blog. She captured my heart that night I stayed vigil at her side, feeding her each hour through a tube, holding her in ways that her vomit would not get on clothes, blankets, or furniture, and holding her lovingly when she just wanted comforted. Beautiful Cheslie, you where loved and are missed. Her funeral was held this afternoon.

This is the night we spent together. I love her little hand hug.

 

Read my friend Sheila’s (our nurse) blog about the week as well if you’d like. http://ifthislifeilose.wordpress.com/2013/03/08/in-every-season-you-are-still-god

I don’t know what to think about this. Four babies have gone to be with Jesus in just five days. That is not okay. Our hearts are breaking, but it is great that we can take hope in the fact that they are in Heaven now.

I questioned God. I told him I prayed. I prayed and asked them to be healed to be pain free, not to die. But, then quietly and gently He reminded me that they are all pain free now. They do not have to worry about the heartaches and pain that are here on earth. I’m happy for them, but already miss being able to cuddle with them.

Please pray for all of us here. We need it. We are aching. We are questioning. We need God to be present. We need rest. We need energy. We need refreshed. Psalms 73:26 “My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion forever.” This verse represents how we feel right now. Its been a rough week, but we know God is our strength and are thankful we have Him to rely on.

We were already struggling Monday night and then three more deaths of babies we love. Babies whose lives were just beginning (4 mo.-13 mo. old). They had their whole lives ahead.

I hate how my mind is being desensitized to death. I hate how the cemetery is run/taken care of (or lack of that). I hate how hardened my heart is getting.

Lilliana (in Port au Prince), Malachi, Elijah, Dyolanda, Adecilia, Annabel, Devensly, and Cheslie, you will always have a place in my heart. All of your lives where too short, but I loved the time I knew you.

Psalms 18:2 “The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.”

It’s such a blessing to get to love on these sweet babies. Some are here until they are five and are finally united with their adoptive families and some we only get to love on for a day or two. Each child has/had a purpose. Each child is/was loved.

I am so thankful for incredible roommates and the rest of this staff here who are all carrying this burden together. I am so blessed to have these people in my life.